First the good news – I finally managed my first ever foreign trip and that too without a visa. The bad news – I have been kidnapped.
Remember the golden deer I was soo excited about? It turned out to be as fake as Aunty Sumitra's Louis Vuitton bags. And trust Ram and Laks-man to go running after it. Before I could scream Come back you imbeciles, I spotted that weird Abhishekh Bachhan lookalike winking wildly at me. God! I was so mad that I had to come out of my eco friendly hut to give him one tight slap. And you know what that moron does? Pushes me straight into his private jet. Damn! Why did I leave my pepper spray behind?
Since Dusshera is round the corner, I thought I’ll give Sita a modern twist.
Maa,
I am kicking myself for being so goody-goody. I should have stayed back and gotten fat. But no! I had to act like one those dumb belles in the saas-bahu serials and follow my husband to the forest like a loyal puppy. What was I thinking! Sigh… Life was so much cooler at the Palace – all those maids, the soft bed, the scented massage, the gorgeous Jacuzzi…I miss it so bad. And guess what! I am even missing my MILs. Yep, the same old hags I took such pains to avoid. And it wasn’t that tough you know. They mostly stuck to their rooms and all they did was play cards and watch TV.
Watching the Nigella Lawson cooking show on TV is an act of sheer decadence for me. A strikingly beautiful woman, spilling out of her dress, she makes gluttony look like a form of art. I sigh as I watch her pour cartons of double cream, slabs of dark chocolate and a generous dash of rum – forbidden pleasures for most of us. And as she gleefully adds a slab of butter, your eyes pop out in horror.
When we were kids, newspapers had 10 pages with very few ads, news on TV had 3 headlines with no ad breaks. We followed the News for things that were important. Interesting. Unusual. A definition that has since been eliminated through a sustained conspiracy hatched by the media to propagate mediocrity and generate employment for shoals of people who think, if the plural of medium is media, then the plural of tedium is tedia.
This weekend was a blast. On Saturday most sisters went rushing to their brothers to renew the lifetime protection warranty. Independence Day on a Monday was an added bonanza. It seems all these years of singing Just another manic Monday Wish it were Sunday did not fall on deaf ears.
Many of my friends zoomed off for a weekend getaway to nearby hill stations, while the rest of us had to contend ourselves with retail therapy and hogathons. An extended weekend is like a windfall so why not make the most of it.
Last night you came in a helicopter in mai dream. Your kale ghane baal flying in the wind, your patli kamaar playing lukka chhupi with me - by God ki kasam I feel like putting big black tikka on your face. Najjar naa lag jaye mere baanke bihari ko! When I see you, my haart went dhuk dhuk loudly like Madhuri Dixit. I think the loud sound wake up my good for nothing boyfraand. But not to worry that bloodyphool sleeps like a saandh. Woh to bole jo bullshit walla bull.
She was stooped over the newspaper sipping her morning tea, when she let a loud whoop of delight. The about to poop pigeon look startled and made a crashing exit from the balcony, leaving behind a dozen feathers as keepsake. The floating feathers found their way to Suvo’s tea. Oops you got free garnishing and gave him her toothiest smile. Riya had read somewhere that a smile is a curve that sets everything straight. It didn’t work this time.
A desi girl is very unlike Priyanka Chopra in Dostana. She doesn’t shimmy her tiny waist in a diaphanous sari or wear tiny clothes to work. If she dares to, she knows she will cause a riot. Instead you will find her in the Metro, assuring her child she’ll be home soon.... as the hard-as-balls executive that everyone is petrified of.... the pampered girl who dreams of Virat Kohli in her dad’s sedan.... the grim looking woman who cycles to work every morning to support her alcoholic husband. It’s tough to typify a Desi Girl.
I have been acting a little paranoid of late. A Mexican Scientist has discovered a novel way of breaking down disposable diapers while producing “tasty” mushrooms. The fungus called Oyster mushrooms can devour 90 percent of a disposable diaper in two months flat! Try as I might, I am unable to greet this environment friendly breakthrough with unbridled joy.
I do not claim to be a Bollywood buff. I am certainly not the one who quotes from Hindi movie dialogues and thinks Amitabh Bachhan is God. Our taxi driver at Dalhousie threatened to offload us the moment he came to know we hadn't watched Gadar. He kept muttering in an anguished tone - Aapne Gadar nahin dekhi!! My favourite celluloid moment is from the movie Kaalia.
Read 
Since Dusshera is round the corner, I thought I’ll give Sita a modern twist.
Watching the Nigella Lawson cooking show on TV is an act of sheer decadence for me. A strikingly beautiful woman, spilling out of her dress, she makes gluttony look like a form of art. I sigh as I watch her pour cartons of double cream, slabs of dark chocolate and a generous dash of rum – forbidden pleasures for most of us. And as she gleefully adds a slab of butter, your eyes pop out in horror. 
When we were kids, newspapers had 10 pages with very few ads, news on TV had 3 headlines with no ad breaks. We followed the News for things that were important. Interesting. Unusual. A definition that has since been eliminated through a sustained conspiracy hatched by the media to propagate mediocrity and generate employment for shoals of people who think, if the plural of medium is media, then the plural of tedium is tedia. 
This weekend was a blast. On Saturday most sisters went rushing to their brothers to renew the lifetime protection warranty. Independence Day on a Monday was an added bonanza. It seems all these years of singing Just another manic Monday Wish it were Sunday did not fall on deaf ears.
Mere Pyaare Mohan,
She was stooped over the newspaper sipping her morning tea, when she let a loud whoop of delight. The about to poop pigeon look startled and made a crashing exit from the balcony, leaving behind a dozen feathers as keepsake. The floating feathers found their way to Suvo’s tea. Oops you got free garnishing and gave him her toothiest smile. Riya had read somewhere that a smile is a curve that sets everything straight. It didn’t work this time.
A desi girl is very unlike Priyanka Chopra in Dostana. She doesn’t shimmy her tiny waist in a diaphanous sari or wear tiny clothes to work. If she dares to, she knows she will cause a riot. Instead you will find her in the Metro, assuring her child she’ll be home soon.... as the hard-as-balls executive that everyone is petrified of.... the pampered girl who dreams of Virat Kohli in her dad’s sedan.... the grim looking woman who cycles to work every morning to support her alcoholic husband. It’s tough to typify a Desi Girl. 
I have been acting a little paranoid of late. A Mexican Scientist has discovered a novel way of breaking down disposable diapers while producing “tasty” mushrooms. The fungus called Oyster mushrooms can devour 90 percent of a disposable diaper in two months flat! Try as I might, I am unable to greet this environment friendly breakthrough with unbridled joy.
I do not claim to be a Bollywood buff. I am certainly not the one who quotes from Hindi movie dialogues and thinks 
